Fragile and complex, female friendships hinge on the three S’s, a new book says

 

In both favorable and challenging times, as well as in health and illness, the physical and psychological benefits of female friendships are well-documented.

Danielle Bayard Jackson, author of the new book *Fighting for Our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women’s Relationships*, highlights that research confirms what many women might already sense: the profound value of these connections.

According to Jackson, women's friendships are often emotionally closer than those between men because they usually develop on a one-to-one basis, which facilitates sharing and deeper connection. In contrast, men typically gather in larger groups, which can impact the depth of their interactions.

However, these relationships are not without their difficulties.

Jackson writes in her book, "Navigating relationships with other women can feel like walking on a land mine, as you might unintentionally offend, hurt someone's feelings, or cross boundaries at any moment."

As a friendship educator and women’s coach, Jackson explores the complexities and fragility of female relationships to help women build and sustain healthier friendships. 

I spoke with the author and host of the “Friend Forward” podcast about the delicate nature of friendships and practical ways to invest in your own relationships.

This conversation has been edited and condensed for clarity. 

Author Danielle Bayard Jackson says the three concepts of support, symmetry and secrecy help women feel close and connected.

 

When we meet a new woman and she offers even a small gesture of support, it often leads us to think, “Oh, she’s cool.” This initial support can bond us, but its absence can also create distance.

Another key aspect is symmetry, which is about feeling that the friendship is balanced and reciprocal. One of the main issues women mention is feeling like they’re putting in more effort or giving more than their friend. This lack of balance can also manifest as feeling disconnected or like they don’t know their friend as well anymore. Having a sense of equality in a friendship is really important to us.

Finally, there’s secrecy, which isn’t about literal secrets but rather about having a sense of exclusive mutual understanding and self-disclosure. The essence of women’s friendships often comes down to “I share, you share,” creating a deep bond.