We all know that there is a difference between parents and, African parents. Well, to be more specific, Nigerian parents. This Sir or Ma, mummy/daddy as we call them is a rare breed whose definition of parenting is totally different and funny and annoying (sometimes).
Here are some of the few annoying things they do to those of us who are fortunate enough to be their offspring.
They attribute the cause of a recent failure to something you did…
5 years ago
If you haven’t been told that the reason you came fourth in class is because you stayed for long in Bisola’s house 5 years ago then you are very lucky. Nigerian parents go overboard like that.
They tell you the reason you now have your own opinion is because you are growing boobs or beards…
Girls can relate to this, even guys! You tell them the reason why the TV remote is not working is because it needs a new battery, they say the reason you ‘know better’, is because you have started growing beards or breasts or developing hips.
Other times, it is during a confrontation, when they are beating you to a pulp and you raise your hands in self-defense (wrong move) never do that or else, you will hear; “so you think you can beat me now because of your chest.”
They never give you room for explanation
Shut up, just shut up, what you say doesn’t matter, they don’t want to listen to it and they don’t care. You did it and that is the beginning and end of the conversation.
They stalk you on social media
Why all this?
Social media can sometimes be a betrayer; they expose a side of you your parents should not see. Even if your parents are not on social media, nosy family members will not let you be great.
They embarrass you in front of your friends, always
Kuku kee me
Ah, yes, Nigerian parents have zero chill. They can easily ‘remind’ to go and wash the toilet or plates or your 2 days old soaked bread spread in front of your friends and they do not do it nicely.
They wake you up from sleep for the most trivial things
Seriously though, this is an all-time favourite. They can wake you up to come and taste if there is salt is in the food or to pass the remote.
They call you out of the shower to greet all their friends
Their ‘show you off’ time, they can call you from anywhere, at any time to come and greet mummy Iyabo or Daddy G.O just because they want to brag about all the accomplishments they never tell you they are proud of in person.